subject: Well, it's One for the Money and Two for the Show...
Posted on April 29, 2004 at 3:31 PM

Holy fucking shit, away we go.

SMG's last rehearsal is tonight, and then we'll pack it up and hit the road. My thinking is thus: if it's still broke by now, it ain't getting fixed. As far as I can tell, I've thought of everything that needs thinking of, and either dismissed it as something I shouldn't be worrying about, or made allowances. Of course, as we all know, no plan ever survives contact with the enemy. Since we're coming home after the Milwaukee show on Saturday, I get one last chance for a do-over, so we'll see how things turn out.

In any case, like I've said on the SMG blog a few times, I'll make every attempt to post here at least once a day; sometimes events just conspire against you, though, and there's nothing you can do about it. (I'm sure Wade would have some insight in to the nature of that statement right about now, as CA hobbles through Wisconsin in a rented van.) Anyways, here we fucking go.

subject: Hell In A Handbasket, Take One.
Posted on April 28, 2004 at 2:00 AM

Okay, kids. Since we like to think of this site as entertaining _and_ educational, I'm going to use today's entry for a physics lesson. Let us take a little journey through Newton's Three Laws Of Motion, illustrated via experimentation by Christ Analogue:

I. Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.

Now, this is a fairly simple concept. Say, for instance, all four members of Christ Analogue are in a van. The van is travelling at, say, 80 miles per hour. While the underlying physics behind the chain of events that keep this van going at 80 are vast and complicated, it really comes down to this: if the cruise control is set at 80, the van is going to keep going at 80 until an external force acts upon it. All that said, to be proper phsyicists, we have to do this in metric, so let's say that Christ Analogue and the Van are travelling at 36 meters per second.

II. The relationship between an object's mass m, its acceleration a, and the applied force F is F = ma.

This is also pretty simple. Force equals mass times acceleration. Couldn't be easier. The van's gross vehicle weight is 3200 kg. Since it's also full of members of Christ Analogue and all their shit, let's just go ahead and call it an even 4000 kgs. Since we are conveniently located on Earth, that figure can also be its mass. We already talked about the acceleration; I know there are a pile of boring velocity equations to figure in to the picture, but for simplicity's sake, let's say that for an object massing 4000 kg travelling at 36 meters per second, built out of steel for the most part, the F is a whole fucking shitload of N.

III. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Ahhh, number three is the motherfucker, hey? Now, take your average adult male deer...

To make a long story short, in the epic battle of Van v. Deer, occuring on Interstate 90 in Western Montana early this morning, the score is Van 1, Deer 1. Much arm waving and running about ensues. Theoretically the Van has been replaced with another van, and Christ Analogue are now en route to Chicago. I'll believe it when I see it, but come hell or high water, SMG will be in LaCrosse on Friday, if we have to fucking take the god damned Greyhound. And Christ Analogue's drummer will hereafter be refered to as The Deerslayer.

subject: For Those About To Rock, We Salute You!
Posted on April 26, 2004 at 10:17 PM

Friday is the first show on the DT (which is how I will refer to the Domination Tour from here on out, so as to save myself what I foresee as a lot of typing) and things are really hopping in the Positron! Kompound. Basically, our entire front office is filled with boxes containing T-shirts and CDs. The day is filled, from beginning to end, with all the ridiculous work that is involved in getting a tour out the door.

We've ordered all the things that need to be ordered, and built all the things that need to be built, and rehearsed all the songs that need to be rehearsed. I'd like to say that we're in the calm before the storm, but in actual fact there is nothing calm about it. I have three days left, and I still haven't finished the video for the Christ Analogue set; that's only the most glaring example of all the dumb shit that hasn't been done. There are about ten thousand other stupid little things I won't remember until Friday morning when we're packing Trailer.

Ahhh... Trailer, Joy of Man's Desiring. The cockles of my heart warm at the thought of Trailer, basking in all her red glory, literally bouncing on her torsion bar suspension with anticipation in a Logan Square garage. I need to pick up Trailer's real license plate tomorrow. I am of the firm opinion that whatever else might go wrong on this tour, Trailer won't let me down. She's just like that.

I am a little worried that Trailer won't adequately contain all the shit I plan to shove in her, but that's a problem I can't really do anything about now, so I'm not going to sweat it. If it's a choice between leaving people here and swapping out Trailer for a model with more girth, well, sorry guys, but I have priorities. A four-piece band is just a three-piece with more notes, right?

Anyways, there is one thing that makes this tour different than all the others. Yup, you guessed right. Custom guitar picks. I am allowing myself very little in the way of personal pleasure on this tour (in fact, I'm not even playing guitar) but I indulged myself in the one thing that I've always wanted but never got. So, taa-daa...

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